For the Ladies that don’t shakehands with Men.

There is a Hadith from Ma’qil ibn Yasar, saying; The Prophet (Peace and blessings be upon him) said, “It is better for you to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle than to touch the hand of a woman who is not permissible to you.”

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In this generation it is very difficult to stick to what you believe in since the majority of the people just ‘go with the flow’. And it’s more challenging to stick to what you believe in if everyone is attacking you from all directions.

The best advice my dad ever gave me was to ‘stick to what is right even if the world stood against you.’  This advice has helped me in many situations. And one of them was this.

I will not lie, there was a time in my life where it shook me and came across the idea of giving up this belief and start handshaking guys from the amount of criticism I was attacked by.  But this was when my dad’s advice came to use. I stopped caring what people said or thought about me. Like seriously I didn’t. So what if they said I was ‘too strict’ so what if they said I was ‘too religious’ so what if they said I was ‘too complex’. SO WHAT?

Who are they to judge me?

Who are they to tell me what I’m not?

Do they even know me? No.

Do they even matter to me? No.

Then why care?

Anyway, so it doesn’t really matter what people think of us but if you were put in such a situation, here are some recommendations on how you can handle it.

TIPS:

Bonbon solution: Many of us have heard about this trick – where girls have those little candies in their pockets. As soon as a guy extends his arm to handshake, she just takes out a bonbon and puts it in his hand and says I don’t shake hands. Problem solved. No embarrassment, no awkwardness, nothing.

Another trick is if you’re a business woman; instead of candy replace it with a business card. Seems more professional and suitable in that situation.

Friend alert solution: What I usually do is if I’m around a group of friends and this guy enters the group and starts handshaking everyone. Before my turn comes, I tell my friend to tell him that I don’t handshake in a very polite way. So when my friend’s turn comes. He/she stays holding their hand and tells them ‘by the way she doesn’t shake hands’. This way the ‘embarrassing moment for them’ has been avoided.

Hands Busy solution: Just carry everything in your hands! Books, papers, phone, water bottle, your cat, anything. This way you won’t even have to tell him that you don’t shake hands.

Eye contact solution: If there is a stranger that entered the group and he’s shaking hands with everyone I just avoid eye contact with him. I don’t look at him at all. I look at the ceiling, the floor, my phone, my shoes, my friend etc. That way he won’t extend his hand in the first place since it appears as if I am distracted by something else or I’m blind not to notice his presence.

Just ‘say it’ solution: When a guy extends his arm and none of the above solutions can be applied I just say “Sorry, I don’t shake hands”. It usually takes a confident and strong person to do that since most girls are too shy to do so. Most girls that end up shaking hands are too shy to reject it, since they don’t want to embarrass the individual in front of them.

Honestly, I don’t find it embarrassing to reject a handshake in a polite manner. But then at the end of the day maybe because I got so used to rejecting handshakes where it became very normal for me to watch the same face expressions…

It’s not something I’m afraid to do or something embarrassing. In fact it’s something I’m fully proud of. It forces the people to respect me, even if they don’t like me. And that’s all I ever cared about. Respect.

Plus, you can tell a lot about a person from simply this action. Whether the person respects other people’s beliefs or whether the person will criticize and attack other people’s beliefs.

For instance, if I reject person A’s hand, he might get all embarrassed about it. And his face expression turns into a frown. And maybe to make him feel better he might throw a comment like “why don’t you handshake anyway? Why do you make such a big deal out of it?”

However, person B – “no problem” – “that’s good” – “I respect you!”

Person B is the type of person I’d love to interact with since he respects my belief and encourages me to continue.

It is YOUR choice, YOUR right, YOUR belief. Nobody can argue with that. It takes a very strong person to stick to their beliefs. Be one of those people. There is nothing to be afraid of.

 من ترك شيئا لله عوضه الله خيرا منه

If you have any other suggestions/solutions comment in the box below!

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18 thoughts on “For the Ladies that don’t shakehands with Men.

  1. K2595 says:

    what if i’m someone who shakes hands with guys and than i decide that i dont want to do that anymore; when a guy that i have shook hands with him before .. what should i do? it would be weird not to shake his hands again??

    • maiekh says:

      you can gather your friends (including guys) and talk to them about it, tell them that you decided to stop shaking hands with guys so make them aware of it. Then when a guy comes to shake your hand just tell them ‘Sorry I stopped shaking hands now’ They will respect you alot for taking that decision. I honestly believe you should tell them rather than for instance giving them candy. But if you’re shy at first go ahead and use these solutions 😀 Let me know how it goes!

  2. Nefa says:

    Trying to perform this gestures as easy as it could. I put my right hand on my left chest or simply in a lighter version of STOP hand gesture or put my both hands together in front of my lower chest + plus a big smile and eyes down.

    • maiekh says:

      Yeah my mom does the same. What I do sometimes is I put my hand outward and pretend that I’m shaking hands without touching any hands. It’s like a hand gesture that kinda makes it less awkward? I hope you understand what I’m trying to say haha 😀

  3. samera says:

    i agree 100% and lots of girls do it the first time they meet a new guy Not to embarrass him so obviously they will do it again and again! i would rather they get embarrassed just the first time and it wont happen again. You will have your respect! 🙂

    • maiekh says:

      Exactly! It’s better to embarrass the guy instead of getting sins for being too shy to say ‘you don’t shake hands’. But yeah alot of girls talked to me about it and said they were too shy that’s why I wrote some solutions on how to avoid it because not everyone has the courage to embarrass the guy haha 😀

  4. Nabilah says:

    I totally agree with what you said about respect n belief. I have rejected handshakes from men, bosses, colleagues and even to guest of honor at ceremonies on stage using that line ‘I don’t shake hands’. Some are taken aback while others respect you more. So to all muslimah out there, do what’s right. There’s only HIM that we should be afraid of, Insya Allah HE will protect us.☺

  5. no2no2 says:

    I am on my way to put on hejab but I want some help. I recieve no encouragement from friends or even familly . So shaking hands is a second step. It is hard to keep seeking alone , it turns to be a challenge .
    PLEASE I want some help !!
    Side note : Are you egyptian ? I am too.

    • maiekh says:

      I honestly believe that you should do what you feel comfortable with. As long as it’s right and makes Allah happy then continue what you were doing. You have to be strong even if no one is encouraging you on doing something right.You’re not alone don’t worry. I’m here and many other girls are put in the same situation where even her parents are against that idea.
      So my advice is when you’re ready to face criticism and not care what people say go ahead and wear it. But you have to be 100% sure!
      good luck! ❤

  6. Sara AbdulLatif says:

    I had started the habit of not shaking hands with guys since I started high school and I’ve always wondered if should keep it going or not because of the way some of them responded but after reading this I feel more confident about my decisions knowing that I’m not alone in this. Thank you for writing this post

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